🌊 The Stunning Rise of Polyamory

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1 Husband, 2 Boyfriends – No Problem?

Molly Roden Winter has been called the “face of polyamory.”

In 2008, the former teacher and married mother-of-two was at home when she realized she had had enough. Her husband got home late from work once again and she was taking care of the house. Upon his arrival, she stormed out, leaving her phone at home.

She ended up at a bar where a younger man offered to buy her a drink. They exchanged numbers.

When Winter returned home, her husband Stewart asked why her phone had just lit up with a text from “Matt.” Except instead of having a problem with it, he encouraged it.

After that, Winter and Stewart began “opening their marriage.” After 16 years, Winter says their marriage has never been better – and in addition to Stewart, she has two boyfriends whom she says she also loves.

This February, Winter released “More,” a memoir recounting that experience. It became an immediate bestseller and earned features in The New York Times and the other big outlets.

When we released this podcast last week, a Roca reader messaged us to ask why we interviewed Winter, adding that the topic didn’t seem “newsworthy.”

We strongly disagreed: An extremely significant but little-covered trend is young people’s growing acceptance of non-monogamous relationships. Last year, a Pew survey found that 51% of Americans below 30 believe open marriages are acceptable. That would imply that in cities, a large majority of young people approve.

We asked Winter why she thinks that is – and how it feels to be the “face of polyamory.”

Before becoming polyamorous, Winter recalled to us, “I felt monstrous for wanting something that wasn't supplied within the four walls of my home.”

She soon found herself meeting men in hotel rooms, shopping in adult boutiques, and taking notes about all of her most intimate experiences.

If you think that doesn’t sound like the lifestyle of a responsible mother and wife, Winter would fiercely disagree: By breaking out of monogamy – what she considers society’s “default setting” – she believes she’s become a more present and fulfilled individual, which has made her better in all aspects of life.

But what about the kids?

Winter’s sons were both in their early teens when they found out what their mom was up to. The elder spotted an open dating profile on a computer; the younger stumbled upon her journals.

While Winter doesn’t share graphic details with her kids – unless they read “More” – she says it was a “really healthy thing” that they found out about her polyamory when they did.

For her, polyamory made her happy and therefore a better mom, she believes: “I think an unhappy mom is not a great mom,” she told Roca.

Naturally, Winter has been the subject of significant criticism. Some criticize her for obvious reasons. Others think her book paints her not as a brave and bold woman, but as one who was played by an exploitative man. Throughout the book, she recalls how her husband would have her recount her experiences to him in detail and would then pursue his own.

On Reddit, post after post finds Winter’s husband to be her memoir’s antagonist: “I’ve been looking to discuss how much I’m repulsed by this book,” wrote one user. “It’s clear that Molly is very uncomfortable in these degrading relationships and has to pretend to herself that they are ‘liberating.’”

So does Winter regret anything? We asked her this and much more in our new We the 66. The podcast is available on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple. If you’re interested, give it a listen!

While you’re here, a question: Who’s your dream interview guest and why? Let us know by responding to this email. We’re very curious to see.

Sincerely,

–Max F and Max T

RocaNews Co-founders

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